


Whiskey Wonderland

by potionsmaster, ThreeWhiskeyLunch



Series: Hangin' Out at Midnight on the Silversun Strip [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: ALL THE FLAVORS, Beer Goggles, Christmas Eve, Christmas Presents, Drunken Shenanigans, Feelsy Feels, Light Bondage, M/M, Power Bottom Kaidan, Santa Hat, Turian Delicacy, smutty smuts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5550821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeWhiskeyLunch/pseuds/ThreeWhiskeyLunch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FA LA LA LA LAAAAA, LA LA LA <em>BOOZE</em>!  And Balls.  And Tidings of Whiskey and Good Cheer!  Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jingle Balls

**Author's Note:**

> They're baaaaaaaaaaaaaack.....and raunchier than ever. Just in time for the holidays.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus absolutely loves the human holiday traditions, more so than even the humans. Part 2 of the Hangin’ Out at Midnight on the Silversun Strip.

**_Whiskey Wonderland_ ** , by potionsmaster and ThreeWhiskeyLunch

 

Rating: M, probably, I dunno (R: for Raunchy, we suspect)

 

 **Chapter _1_** : _Jingle Balls_

 

~*~*~*~

 

“God, Kaid, really?  Nobody else on the Presidium is doing this.”

 

Kaidan laughed as Shepard fought to wrap a garland around the handrails on one of the staircases in their apartment.  He was busy cleaning the kitchen and arranging the cheesy Christmas-themed dishtowels his mother had sent on the dishwasher.

 

“That's not true and you know it.   _This One's Intimate Apparel_ has a special on holiday-flavored lubes.  ‘Eggnog’ is supposed to be pretty good.”

 

Shepard stopped wrestling with the garland a moment and pulled a face.

 

“Tell me you didn't....”

 

Kaidan laughed again as he made his way to Shepard, rubbing his shoulder affectionately.

 

“No.  But it would have been worth it just to see the look of horror on your face when you opened it.”

 

“Yeah, no.  I will never understand your preoccupation with flavored lube.  It's not like your dick can taste it.”

 

He went back to strong-arming the evergreen python around the banister, muttering curses at it.  Kaidan kissed the back of his head and made his way up to their bedroom.

 

“True, but my mouth can.  And my mouth occasionally likes variety,” he tossed over his shoulder.

 

“You're such a dirty old man,” came the amused response.

 

“And you love me for it,” he retorted, “You have to admit, I’ve expanded your horizon in that regard.” He grabbed the Turian-grade sheets and went back downstairs on the other staircase, bypassing Shepard.  He fixed a crooked bow on the railing and was captured in a pair of arms from behind.

 

“Me _and_ my dick love you for it,” Shepard murmured against his neck, kissing his way up to Kaidan's ear. “Where would my bedroom skills be without you to teach me?”

 

Kaidan snorted, arching his back to press his rear against the commander's groin.

 

“Sorely lacking in imagination,” he chuckled, “Now let me go so I can get their bedroom set up.  I still can't believe what happened to the furniture the first time they stayed…”

 

Shepard released him with a playful swat on the behind, following him to the downstairs guest room.  The mattress and pillows had been upgraded to a bit more durable materials.

 

“It's not like they did it on purpose, you know…”

 

Kaidan quirked an eyebrow as he tossed the pillowcases and pillows at him before making the rest of the bed.

 

“No, but a little more caution would have been appreciated.”

 

He received a gently tossed pillow to his face in response.

 

“It's just ‘stuff’, K.  And they replaced it.”

 

Kaidan opened his mouth to reply, but the doorbell chimed.  Shepard snorted at that and made his way down the hallway.  Muffled thumps and bumps were coming from the other side of the door when he opened it.  Garrus had his arms full of wrapped packages and was using his foot to try to toggle the door while Zaeed had his arms loaded with their luggage and a platter of cookies.

 

“Garrus, what the fuck are you doing?  We already hit the doorbell.”

 

“Yes, but I feel that it’s some kind of tradition to let ourselves in at this point.  I didn’t want to lower expectations.  I _am_ a Spectre, after all…”

 

Shepard quirked an eyebrow at the scene as he stepped aside to let them in. Zaeed gave a disgruntled nod as they trundled passed.  

 

“Still don’t know how you managed that one, Vakarian.”

 

“Shut the hell up, Shepard.”

 

Zaeed shoved the platter of cookies over to the commander. “Happy goddamn Christmas, Shep. Have some fucking gingerbread men.”

 

“Only if they’re actually fucking, Massani...I would expect nothing less from you.”

 

Zaeed smirked as he dumped their luggage and nodded down at the plate. “Might be possible, considering.”

 

Shepard peered closely at the gingerbread. “Why are there dicks on these cookies, Zaeed?”

 

Kaidan appeared from the bedroom, scowling.  “Really, John?  I’m sure it’s just buttons on their shirts.”

 

His partner handed him a cookie with a smirk. Kaidan looked it over with a critical eye.

 

“No, seriously, K….they have those little cinnamon candies for balls.”

 

He heaved a sigh and put it back on the plate.

 

“So they do.  Looks like they know you pretty well.”

 

Shepard bit the head off of his. “Tasty.”

 

“‘Course they are. Made those fuckers myself.”

 

“Well, obviously. Can’t remember ever seeing dicks on gingerbread men in the store.” John polished off the rest of the cookie, licking crumbs from his lips.  “At least you didn’t find any cinnamon flavored lube, Kaidan.”

 

Garrus’ mandibles twitched. “Cinnamon flavored lu-what are you talking about, Shepard?”

 

Kaidan leaned against the counter top, amused. “We had an absolutely thrilling conversation about holiday themed lubrications before you got here.”

 

“WD-40 doesn’t have ‘holiday themes’ for their product line, unless if I missed something.” Zaeed rolled his eyes and made his way to the bar.

 

“Wrong type of lubricant.  Though it wouldn’t surprise me about you, with your ‘calibration’ fixations and all…”

 

Garrus flared his mandibles again as he followed his bond-mate, watching Zaeed drop small items into the labeled stockings hanging over the fireplace.  Shepard cocked his head to the side at that.

 

“You _and_ Shepard have just as big a fixation with mating jokes, so you can’t talk.”

 

Garrus placed the pile of Christmas packages at the end of the bar while Zaeed shrugged his coat off, revealing the bright red sweater underneath that read “Merry Fucking Christmas” with a row of pine trees underneath. John stopped in his tracks when he saw the sweater, Kaidan bumping into him from behind. Now that Garrus wasn't loaded down with presents, he could see that the front of the Turian’s lime green sweater was covered with the doofiest, buck-toothed reindeer he'd ever seen.

 

“What the hell are you wearing, Massani?”

 

Zaeed paused as he poured himself a whiskey from behind the bar and gave John a long suffering look. “Christmas present from Garrus,” he muttered, then finished pouring whiskey for the others and dispersed them across the bar with a shove. He grumpily fought with the bright red bow on the dextro bottle of _Rebel Redemption Special Reserve Whiskey_ while he recorked it. “Even the booze can’t goddamn escape Garrus and his ‘Christmas Spirit’. Shame, really…”

 

Kaidan rolled his lips inwards, trying not to laugh at the situation.  Shepard rolled his eyes.

 

“Tell me about it.  Kaidan threatened me with eggnog flavored lube earlier today.”

 

The grizzled merc paused, frowning. “.....they _have_ that??”

 

“If they do, I don’t want to know,” the commander grumbled into his drink.  Kaidan chuckled as he swirled his lowball.

 

“It was advertised at the local shop,” he smirked.  “If you’re naughty, Santa might bring you the self-warming cinnamon one instead.”

 

Shepard grimaced.

 

“Please…. _no_ ….that sounds like it would burn.”

 

Garrus ducked his head at that while Zaeed give both of the other men a laugh. “Just need to know where to put it, Shep.”

 

John blinked, coughing on his whiskey. “I don’t-Do I want to know? No, no. Pretty sure I don’t want to know-”

 

“Sure you do,” Kaidan interrupted with a twinkle in his eyes. He leaned over the bar and redistributed whiskey into the other glasses. He looked between Zaeed and a somewhat bashful looking Garrus. “He wants to know. You should tell us exactly where cinnamon lube should be used.”

 

Zaeed raised an eyebrow, feeling his mate’s hand rest on his shoulder. He turned to Garrus. “Well?”

 

“Well, what?”

 

“You gonna tell them about how you like cinnamon lube on the bottom of your feet? Or am I?” He leaned against his carapace slightly.

 

John and Kaidan gave each other big grins, watching as what could only be a blue blush creep up his neck.

 

“Dare I ask what the hell you do with lube on your feet?”

 

“It’s more of a massage oil that can double as lube…” the turian muttered, not meeting anybody’s eyes.  “And it tingles. My hide is pretty thick. It feels...warm. And…”

 

“Tingly?” John asked.

 

Kaidan chuckled as he bumped his hip against Shepard’s.  

 

“Is it morbid curiosity that’s making you ask or are you genuinely curious?”

 

“Why can’t it be both?” the commander replied, “I would have thought it burned.  I had cinnamon oil get on me when I was younger and that shit stung like nobody’s business.”

 

“Thick hide, Shepard.” Garrus finished his whiskey. “It _tingles_.”

 

Zaeed raised his tumbler in a toast. “Merry goddamn Christmas.  To tingling turian toes.”

 

“Cheers,” Shepard said, tossing his drink.  

 

“Many happy returns of the day,” Kaidan clinked his glass to Shepard's empty one.

 

Garrus’ grin was almost as doofy as the reindeer’s. “Human toasts are so cute. Turian toasts tend to run along the ‘Hope you die with your boots on and a gun in your hand’ variety.” He raised his glass and drank.

 

Zaeed gave him a thoughtful look, then filled everyone's glasses. When he was done, he raised his own and recited, “Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. If you cheat, may you cheat death,” he nodded his head at Shepard who raised his glass in return. “If you steal, may you steal a wo-a man’s heart,” he smirked at Garrus who flared his mandibles at him. “If you fight, may you fight for a brother,” he nodded to Kaidan who nodded back. “And if you drink, may you drink with me-”

 

“-because you have all the best whiskey,” Shepard finished.

 

“Damn straight I do. And yours ain't bad either, Shep.”

 

“I'll drink to that,” Garrus said. They all clinked glasses and drained them.

 

Kaidan banged his empty glass down on the counter, ice twinkling in a swirl by the firelight. He rubbed his hands together. “Who's hungry?”

 

Shepard helped Kaidan bring out several trays of snacks from the kitchen: a piled high platter of loaded nachos, quartered roast turkey sandwiches, and a plate that when Garrus saw made his eyes glaze over.

 

“Is that-” he stood over the plate when Kaidan set it down. “Oh spirits! Pitznelbols!”

 

John chuckled and tapped his head. “Anyone else's translator just glitch?”

 

Garrus pulled the plate slowly toward him across the top of the bar. He spoke in an almost reverent tone. “It's a delicacy on Palaven. I haven't had one in...I don't know how long. Years. These look a bit different, but-” he looked up at Kaidan. “Where did you get these?”

 

Kaidan shrugged. “New Quarian cafe in Zakera. Tali said it was good.”

 

Under the watchful eyes of the other three, Garrus picked up one of the small objects and placed it delicately in his mouth. His eyes closed as his teeth sunk in, an audible sigh rumbling through his chest. Tension left his body as he chewed and swallowed. “Oh…”

 

Zaeed snorted a laugh. “Fuck me. Was it good for you?”

 

“You have no idea.” Garrus reached out and pulled the plate closer, hugging it to himself. He popped another in his mouth.

 

“Do we even want to know what it is?” John scratched at his neck, never having seen the turian enjoy himself around food quite this much before.

 

“Mm. Well. I guess the closest thing on Earth would be...lizard? Lizard testicles, wrapped in a fermented nut, I guess you could call it. With a sweet and sour sauce?”

 

The three men stared at him, eyes blinking slowly. The all seemed to shudder at once.

 

“ _Jesus_ fucking-”

 

“Ew, Garrus!”

 

“Um, lizards don’t have testicles like mammals do…”

 

“Did you say what I think you said?!”

 

Garrus looked up at them, his mouth full. “What?”

 

“I am not kissing you. Ever. Again.” Zaeed shuddered a second time, grimacing as he watched Garrus chew and swallow.

 

The Turian seemed to consider this and then shrugged, popping several more Pitznelbols into his mouth. “Totally worth it,” he said as he chewed. “Mmmmmm…..”  Zaeed grimaced, shaking his head.  Shepard rubbed the back of his neck, giving the platter a surreptitious look.

 

“Don’t even think about it, John,” Kaidan said as the commander shifted the plate closer to himself.

 

“I survived drinking ryncol, for Pete’s sake...I think it’d be fine. Pretty sure it won’t kill me.”

 

Kaidan scowled as Garrus drained his tumbler.

 

“I also recall you yelling at me to get Kaidan on vid-call and telling him ‘IT’S GREEEEN!!’ repeatedly while you were drinking said ryncol, Shepard. Still have no idea why he would care about the color.”

 

“Being ‘pretty sure’ isn’t reason enough to try it,” the biotic grumbled, topping off his drink and uncorking the _Rebel Reserve_ for Garrus.

 

“Inside joke, Vakarian. Don’t worry about it. Besides, it’d be just like swallowing Thane’s balls!” Shepard protested before tossing back the rest of his drink.  Kaidan moved the tray out of his reach.  “Wait...why’re you blushing, Massani?”

 

A ruddy patch had developed on Zaeed’s cheeks.  Garrus glanced at him quickly.

 

“You never heard of ‘whiskey bloom’, Shep?”

 

“Can’t say that I have.  Though I never started drinking whiskey seriously until Kaidan, so…”

 

“You’re lookin’ at it.  Goddamn booze makes me flush sometimes.” He cast a quick glance at Garrus before downing the remains of his glass.

 

“So..” Kaidan said after downing another generous swallow of his whiskey, “To completely change the subject. I don’t know about you, but our family tradition was we got to go through our stockings on Christmas Eve.  So I think we should pass them out.”  He gestured to the stockings above the long fireplace with his lowball.   

 

Garrus looked at them and quirked his head to the side.

 

“You know, I didn’t quite understand why the socks were so big and why they were missing their mate until someone explained to me that you humans didn’t wear them.  You filled them with gifts instead.  Seems impractical, really, to have one giant sock that you use once a year.  But I like it.”

 

Kaidan smiled and pulled a big red Santa hat with fluffy white trim out from behind the bar and plunked it on his partner’s head. “Play Santa’s helper, John.”

 

Shepard looked like he was going to protest, but then he smiled and pulled the hat on firmly, getting up from his bar stool with only a small wobble. He carefully took down the stockings and passed them out, holding onto the one that said ‘John’.

 

Zaeed peered cautiously down into his, then pulled out an orange. He sniffed it and eyed John, who grinned, quite pleased with himself. Zaeed sighed and dove back in, bringing out a small box containing three small bottles. “What the-” He took a moment to read the label, then scowled. “Fucking hell. Flavored lube? Really?”

 

Garrus peered over his shoulder. “Flavored what now?”

 

Zaeed handed the box over to him with a shake of his head and a glare at Kaidan. He received a cheeky wink in return.

 

“Whiskey Dick. Wassail. Hot Toddy.” Garrus hummed deep in his chest. “Dual-chirality, Zee.”

 

“Very thoughtful.” But he snorted and shook his head again.

 

Garrus emptied his stocking out on the bar. An deep orange fruit, smaller and bumpier than an orange rolled away before he caught it. “Oh, a tulio. Nice.” He picked up a box that matched Zaeed’s. “Oo. The chocolate sampler. Chocolate-Covered Strawberry, Black Forest Cake, and Dark Chocolate Bacon. Also dual-chirality. Heh. Thanks.” He picked up the other item and dangled it between his fingers. “X-Ray Glasses,” he read off the label. His mandibles flared in a grin and he took his visor off so he could carefully place the glasses on his face. The black framed glasses with spiral swirl centers over each eye sat precariously on his face.

 

The three men burst out in various degrees of laughter.

 

“You look deranged, love,” Zaeed smirked.

 

“Thank you.” Garrus sat back, attempting dignity.

 

John stuck his hand into his stocking next and pulled out a small tin of nuts. “Mm. Thanks.” He set the tin aside and reached in to pull out his own box of lube samples. “Oh, great. Just what _you_ wanted, Kaidan.”

 

The biotic grinned. “Huh, imagine that...Santa must be a mind reader. What flavors did you get?”

 

“Eggnog- _seriously?!?_ Gingerbread, and Winter Wondermint. Really, K? You ass. The last one sounds like toothpaste.” But he leaned over and gave Kaidan a quick peck on the cheek. “Want one of my nuts?” He popped the lid on the can, only to have it explode in his hand, paper snakes sending them all-with the exception of Zaeed-flying backward in surprise.

 

“Fucking hell!” John reached for his pistol that wasn’t there at the same time that Kaidan flared his biotics and Garrus fell off his barstool, coming up in a roll to a defensive stance.  The x-ray glasses were sliding precariously off his face with one ear piece caught on his scarred mandible.

 

Zaeed roared with laughter, tears streaming down his cheeks.

 

“Not funny, Massani!” John threw the can at the merc who ducked, still howling with laughter.  It bounced off harmlessly.

 

“Beg to differ, Shep.”

 

Garrus set the x-ray glasses back on his nose and gave his mate a gentle whap on the back of his head before he settled back down beside him. “You’re so mean, Zee.  But I'm ok with that.”

 

Kaidan took a breath, calming himself down, the blue aura dispersing slowly. A paper snake had draped itself over his shoulder and he picked it off, crumpling it in his hand. “Well, I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m awake now. Geez.” He took another breath and peered into his own stocking. He reached in a hand and brought out his own orange. He kisses John softly before pulling out a pair of yellow goggles. The rims were perfectly round, about a centimeter thick, and filled with a thick, yellow goo. “Beer goggles. Heh.”

 

He put them on and John laughed. “Speaking of deranged…”

 

“They do sort of make you look more attractive,” Kaidan joked. He refused to take them off for the rest of the night.

 

Kaidan made them all go to bed before midnight, claiming Santa wouldn’t stop at their apartment if they were all still up. He noted that while the fruits still sat on the bar next to the stockings, Garrus’ x-ray glasses were gone, along with all the assorted lubes. As he followed Shepard up the stairs after turning off all the lights, he could see the outline of the box in his back pocket.

 

He grinned to himself and grabbed onto John’s hoodie from behind, trailing after his partner as he made his way into their bedroom.  He hoped John was in the mood for gingerbread.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Lube Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus is determined to try all the lube flavors...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow these little projects that we promise ourselves aren’t going to get too involved always go, “HA! FOOLS!!” and turn into longer stories than we thought. Ah well, lol. Hope you guys enjoy it as much as we do writing it. ~potionsmaster
> 
> Well, yeah, duh. Cause we have these damn muses who have way too much to blab about. And then demand smutty smuts. ~ThreeWhiskeyLunch
> 
> All dem smutty smuts! ~potionsmaster
> 
> You knew the smutty smuts were pretty much inevitable. ~ThreeWhiskeyLunch

_**Whiskey Wonderland**_ , by potionsmaster and ThreeWhiskeyLunch

  
Rating: M for mutual affection and much sappiness  
  
  
  
**Chapter 2** : _Lube Christmas_

~*~*~*~

  
Zaeed heard the pacing in his dream, the tapping of Turian toe claws on the floor, back and forth, back and forth, worrying the same spot over and over while the Turian in question hummed slightly. He was used to Garrus being up earlier than he was, but usually he was able to take himself off to another room and...do whatever Garrus thing needed to be done (calibrating weapons or going over whatever work he could do on his datapad or watching goddamn Fleet and Flotilla). But this morning they weren't home and Garrus was like a four year old on Christmas morning waiting for everyone else to get up.

  
  
Because it was Christmas morning. And Garrus loved Christmas.

  
  
“If you're going to be up, could you at least stop humming goddamn Christmas carols?” Zaeed didn't open his eyes or even move from his sprawl on the bed. But he knew the second Garrus froze in place, and where exactly he was in the room. He was always hyper aware of where his mate was in the room. Even over the scent of the lube they had used the night before (Black Forest Cake, and then later Whiskey Dick, which happened to smell and taste more like Whiskey Ass if he had been asked), Garrus’ bonding musk lay heavily in the air. It was like a beacon to Zaeed's nose. Garrus radar. _Gar-dar_. Zaeed snorted at the thought.

  
“Did I wake you?” Garrus sank down on the edge of the bed next to Zaeed's hip. “Sorry. I just...why isn't anyone up yet? It's Christmas morning! They should be up by now.”

  
Zaeed sighed and cracked open one eye to peer at his mate. It was dark in the room, barely any light even coming in from under the door, which told him it was still the night cycle on the Citadel. But he asked anyway, just to prove the point, “The hell time is it?”

  
Garrus checked the time on his omnitool. “Well, it's 0517-”

  
“That's your problem right there, love. No adult gets up that early on Christmas morning unless they fucking have to.” He closed his eyes, but his hand snuck out from under the covers to lay on his Turian’s leg. “You should come back to bed.”

  
Garrus paused, looking down at the man. He was half-covered by the sheet and blanket. The ridged scar just under his right nipple standing out in the dim light. His finger found it before he even had the thought and the man's muscles underneath tightened briefly before he heard a sigh. “I was thinking…”

  
“You always do that, love, and then you always hurt your head-”

“Shut up.” He traced his finger along the scar. “I was thinking, we should mix a couple of those flavors-”

“Lube cocktail? You want to make a lube cocktail.”

“Yeah. What's ‘wassail’ again?”

“Not anything you can mix with chocolate.”

“Oh…” he could hear the disappointment in the Garrus’ subvocals and he sighed again, cracking open both eyes this time.

“Shift over. Need to have a slash.” Garrus grumbled, but moved over so Zaeed could get out of bed. Garrus watched the naked ass retreat to the bathroom with careful interest. When he was done he left the light on in the bathroom so he could see to dig through his bag. He stood up with a small present in one hand, noting the glimmer in his mate's eyes. “This isn't a reward for your impatience.”

Garrus shook the box gently after Zaeed had placed it in his lap. “Sounds like cock rings. Wouldn't that be a present for you?”

“Wrapped those separate.” Zaeed sat down next to him, but Garrus jumped up.

“Well, if we're doing this now…” he grabbed a larger present from his own bag. It was covered in ribbons and bows, a few which fell off, leaving a Christmas trail behind him. The present had some heft to it and Garrus placed it gently in his hands. “That's not a grenade. Don't throw it.”

Zaeed shook it gently, hearing the slosh of liquid. “Sounds like cock rings.”

“Wouldn't that be funny if it were?” Garrus peered over at him, expectation on his face.

Zaeed sighed and tried to strip the ribbon off, managing somehow to further entangle the present inside its satin cage. “Jesus, Garrus.” He finally managed to free one end and pulled the paper back enough that he could slip the wooden box out. Inside the box was a bottle of old brandy with an Asari label on it.

  
“What you have there is 100 year old levo-dextro brandy. About 300 years ago, an Asari matriarch and her Turian bond-mate started up a company to make a brandy they could both enjoy. They spent years perfecting the recipe, made it in small batches, kept the quality high. Eventually the bond-mate died, but the matriarch continued to keep it going in their honor. Sadly, it was on Thessia. From what I understand, the production was destroyed. But the matriarch managed to escape. She'd sent crates of the oldest stuff off-world, hidden in a jungle somewhere. Now she's funding her retirement off of it.”

Zaeed grinned. “Smart girl.”

“Indeed. I bought four. Sadly, we get to eat ration paste for the next year because I spent all my money on booze.” He pointed to the label. “The name translates as _True Love_.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes, but he grinned. “That's just...too goddamn sappy.”

“Thought you'd appreciate that.”

The man sat with the bottle in his hand for a while. “Kinda puts my gift to shame.”

“Cock rings are the gift that keep on giving,” Garrus grinned at him, mandibles twitching. “I hope they match our bracelets.”  He peeled the paper off his present. Inside was a black box. And inside that were two handmade glass Christmas decorations; one Batman and one Robin. “Oh, Zee…”

  
“Had to have them made,” Zaeed said gruffly. “Couldn't find any otherwise.”

  
Garrus pulled his bond-mate into a hug, carapace thrumming as he purred in contentment.

  
“...sure you’re not hiding any cock rings anywhere, though?”

  
“Goddamnit. _Garrus_.”

“I’m kidding, Zee.  I love them.  They’ll look perfect on our tree.”

“Whoever heard of a goddamn pink Christmas tree being decorated with superhero ornaments?” came the muttered retort.

“When do we ever do anything normal anyway?”

Zaeed shifted slightly to better hold onto his mate, face buried in the soft hide of his neck. “True.”

Garrus set the box aside and then took Zaeed’s wrist and brought it up to his nose, inhaling in one long breath the scent of his human-cigar smoke and whiskey, the leather and metal of his bonding bracelet, sweat and the underlying masculine sharpness that would only ever be Zaeed Massani. The man groaned deep in his chest and Garrus grinned to himself, knowing he was setting off one of the man’s kinks.

  
The man confirmed it, muttering into his hide, “Trying to start something, Vakarian?” It was more an invitation than a challenge, his voice low and sultry.

  
He took another breath as he gathered the man to him, holding him close as he sank down on the bed, taking the warm body with him. “You gonna do something about it if I am?”

  
Zaeed shifted so they were both on their sides, face-to-face, and inserted a leg between Garrus’ own. “Might at that.” He kissed him, setting a slow and lazy pace, sliding his hand down plate and hide over his ass to his thigh so he could grab hold and bring it up over his hip. Garrus let himself be arranged as the man liked, trilling to him in his subvocals even through the unbroken kiss.

  
Under his leg he could feel the tensing of muscle as Zaeed ground his hip into him and he responded in kind, tightening his leg to bring him closer to feel the hardening cock along his slickened pelvic plates. Zaeed continued to kiss him like he couldn’t stop, as if he had a simmering addiction to mouth plates and Garrus’ long tongue that he never wanted to break himself free from. Garrus cradled him in his arms, wrapped himself around his mate while Zaeed’s fingers played over him, down to coax along his spreading cloaca. He felt warm fingers at the tip of his cock through the half-opening and trilled again which made the man chuckle low in his throat.

  
“Merry Christmas to me,” Zaeed said when he finally broke the kiss, his mouth not going far, still resting lightly on a point of Garrus’ upper mouth plate. “Looks like I have another present to open.”

  
“I _am_ the gift that keeps on giving,” Garrus said, his mandibles spreading in a grin. “Consider last night’s bedtime festivities.  I was splendiferous, if I do say so myself.”

  
Zaeed’s rough laugh made Garrus’ heart ache. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”

  
Just for that, Garrus rolled them quickly and pinned Zaeed to the bed, grinding his hips down to make the man moan. “‘The kids’ call it ‘The Vakarian’ actually. It’s all over the extranet. I’m famous for it.”

  
“Believe the word you're looking for is ‘infamous’.”

  
“That too.” Garrus kissed him briefly before he sat up, still keeping their hips pressed close, and gave Zaeed’s inked dick a longing look before reaching over to the nightstand to grab the x-ray glasses that he’d tossed aside the night before. “Now. Let’s see how well these things work.” He put them on carefully, trying to peer through the small holes in the middle of the cardboard ‘lens’. “Is there some sort of power switch?” He pushed them up his nose, pretending to hit a power button. “Ah ha. Here we go.”

  
Zaeed laughed as Garrus looked down at him. The swirling cardboard center gave his face a cartoonish madness. “Fucking hell-”

“Oh…look at that,” Garrus gave the man a serious look-over. “It works. I can see through your clothes. Mm. Sexy-”

“Not wearing any goddamn clothes-”

“Hm...you been working out or something? Looking good there. And nice ink, Zee. I wonder how deep I can see?” He took the glasses off, pondering them with mock-seriousness. “Needs some calibrating-”

  
“-jesusfuckingchr-”

  
“Setting power level to maximum.” Garrus placed them back on. “Oh, cool! Veins, bones, internal organs, a rusty fork and a shot glass from Aria's...hm...well, now isn’t this interesting? I can now confirm that contrary to popular opinion, Zaeed Massani really _does_ have a heart.”

  
“Garrus-”

  
“But then, I already knew that.” His mandibles fluttered as he teased, his voice softening with tenderness for his mate. He rubbed his hands down the man’s chest and leaned closer, giving his left pec closer inspection. “There appears to be something written on it...g-a-r-r-u-s...Aw, Zee. You got my name tattooed on your heart?”

  
“That’s always been there,” the man deadpanned, filling his voice with sappy romance.

Garrus smiled down at him. “Oh, good one.” He shifted his hips, causing delicious friction. Garrus’ dick slid free in a rush and they both moaned. He repeated the motion, sliding his lubricated cock the length of the man’s, then down again. Zaeed groaned and his eyes closed.

“I can see your heart beat faster,” Garrus whispered. “Must be doing something right.”

Zaeed pulled the glasses off and tossed them aside, clearly finished with Garrus’ horseplay. “Fucking hell. Stop fucking around, love.” He sat up quickly, thrusting his hips up as he wrapped his arms around the Turian’s waist. From that position, he could plant his feet on the floor, giving him some leverage as he thrust again and their dicks rubbed together.  
  
Garrus had to shift a little, digging his knees into the bed. “We’re going to fall.”

“Shift over then. Or fuck me. Or... _something_ -”

Garrus reached over and grabbed a random bottle of flavored lube before he rolled, taking them back to their sides, limbs tangled together. He reached down to grasp their two cocks together in his large hand, delighting in the gasp of pleasure from his mate. Time to find out what Chocolate-Covered Bacon was all about.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone has the hankering [here's a fabulous little picture of Garrus in X-Ray glasses](http://pleasespellchimerical.tumblr.com/post/136657907683/er-so-this-happened-threewhiskeylunch) made by the more than fabulous MundaneChampage/PleaseSpellChimerical. I can die happy now...


	3. Not-So Silent Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smutty smuts and feelsy-goodness. Plus a wayward Santa hat... ;) Because we love you, that's why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *bad singing* O, kinky-tree, o, kinky-treeeee! We love the smut you giiive us!! *ahem* Welp, they insisted on being sappy, too. Gag me with a spoon... ~potionsmaster
> 
> Like I'm one to judge. ~ThreeWhiskeyLunch

_**Whiskey Wonderland**_ , by potionsmaster and ThreeWhiskeyLunch

 

Rating: M for more mushy feels! And sex. Can't forget the sex.

 

 **Chapter 3** : _Not-So Silent Night_

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

 

“You know, you can take the hat off if you want....you don't have to keep it on,” Kaidan murmured against Shepard's neck, hand in his back pocket, fingering the box of lubes.

 

“Naw,” he replied, nudging his partner gently. “Keeps my ears warm. Though the whiskey warmed something else up.” He took Kaidan's other hand and placed it on the front of his jeans after they reached to top of the stairs. The biotic rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he pulled his hand back and slid the door to their bedroom closed behind them. He kicked his shoes off and turned around only to be captured in Shepard's arms again.

 

“Mmm...feelin' your liquor a bit?” he asked. Shepard hummed against his lips before pressing them together and leaning him against the door. The fluffy white trim from the Santa hat tickled Kaidan's face. He sighed softly as Shepard's hands un-tucked his shirt, kisses being laid in a messy line up his neck to his ear. Kaidan tried to hook his fingers through the commander's belt loops, but Shepard batted them away. He ground his hips against Kaidan's.

 

“Yeah...are we calling your dick 'my liquor' now? Because I feel that, too.”

 

“You know, you've been talking about dicks an awful lot today. Did you, uh, have something on your mind? Maybe?”

 

Shepard growled in his ear playfully, nipping at the lobe.

 

“Possibly. It's been known to happen. Particularly when you're involved somehow.”

 

Kaidan's hands were batted away again as he tried to unbutton the commander's pants.

 

“Impatient much?” Shepard quipped, running his nose along his partner's jaw. A shuddering breath and hands clutching at his hips again was his response. He grabbed Kaidan's hands and held his wrists together, pulling him towards the closet. “Oh, no you don't...you're awfully grabby tonight, Kaid.”

 

“That's what you _always_ say when we drink.”

 

“Because that's what always _happens_ when we drink.”

 

“Well, when the target presents itself so nicely – Hey!”

 

The biotic found himself spun around and pressed face-first into the wall in the closet, hands pinned above his head. The damn Santa hat was moving against the back of his neck while Shepard was tugging at his belt and pants. He gasped as his pants were shoved just past his rear.

 

“You seem to forget, K. Of the two of us, _I'm_ the one who's better at hitting targets...”

 

Shepard punctuated it by rutting himself against his partner's ass, his own pants unzipped. The only barrier between them was their underwear. His rapidly growing length nestled itself between the major's legs.

 

“Says you.... _uhhh_....”

 

Kaidan glanced backward over his shoulder, glimpsing the stupid hat at a rakish angle on Shepard's head and a heated smirk. His pants were sliding down around his ankles at this point.

 

“I'm a sniper; of course I'm better at it than you.”

 

“Whoever said anything about hitting the target with a gun, John?”

 

The deep rumble in Shepard's chest as Kaidan arched himself against the commander was enough of an answer for him. The hat dropped on his head suddenly, the fluffy white trim blocking his vision as he was flipped around and pushed against the wall again, hands still pinned above his head.

 

“Such sass, Alenko...if you promise to stay the way I put you, I'll let you go. Deal?”

 

Kaidan pretended to think about it for a moment, feeling his pulse jump in anticipation. The commander knew he would say yes; he _always_ said yes to it when it was offered. And Kaidan was always grateful his partner played along. They had tried doing it with Kaidan calling the shots while Shepard was tied and blindfolded once before and exactly once; the commander couldn't relax enough to enjoy any of it. Shepard's teeth were gently nibbling at his ear while he waited for a response. He ground his hips against the commander's.

 

“I dunno, _Shepard_. What's in it for – _haahhh_ – me?”

 

“I promise not to bring up the fucking eggnog lube again the rest of the night. You lied to me, you know.”

 

“Couldn't be helped...didn't want to ruin the surprise,” he said breathlessly, feeling lips and tongue and teeth moving down his neck to his collarbone.

 

“Hmph...smart ass. Step out of your pants?”

 

“You love my ass,” he retorted. He felt the cloth binding his ankles compress as Shepard stepped on it, lifting his feet unsteadily as the pants were kicked away for him.

 

“Yeah, well, that's not exactly a secret, Kaid. So is that a promise you'll stay put?”

 

“........ _yes_.”

 

The pressure on his arms slackened as Shepard softly tugged his arms out in front, still holding his wrists together.

 

“Mmmm...excellent. Be right back.”

 

Kaidan tipped his head back against the wall, trying to peer out from the white fuzz covering his eyes. He saw Shepard stripping his own clothing off while rummaging through where they had their dress uniforms and suits tucked away.

 

“What're you doing, John?”

 

“Hey! No peeking!” Shepard yelped, darting back over to his partner and tugging the hat further over his eyes. Kaidan chuckled, feeling the commander prodding at the hat.

 

“You never said that, just that I needed to stay put. I stayed, exactly as you asked...” he nodded to his wrists still crossed in front of him and felt Shepard grasp them again.

 

“Uh-huh. You pushed the boundaries, _Major_. That's insubordination. For that –” Kaidan gasped as a cool, silky band of cloth slithered over his wrists and wrapped around both, binding them together “– I'll need to take extra security measures.”

 

Hot breath was against his neck again while Shepard kissed his way up to his ear once more.

 

“Pull on it?” he whispered, lips brushing against his pulse. Kaidan complied, testing the binding. It was tight enough so that he would have to work to get out of it, but he could tell John deliberately didn't tie it tight. He didn't like being restrained himself and never wanted Kaidan to feel trapped, either.

 

“S'good, babe...and the only thing I can see now is the fuzz that worked its way under my eyelids.”

 

“I can take it off –”

 

“Don't. It was a joke...” he turned towards where he thought Shepard's mouth was, searching for a kiss blindly. He could hear the worry in his partner's voice. However much the commander did not like being tied up, that went double for being blindfolded. Kaidan knew this was more of an indulgence for his own fun than Shepard's and he wanted to show his appreciation. “I want you to leave it.”

 

“If you say so...” came the quiet response. He felt Shepard lean against him and rest his chin on his shoulder. That wouldn't do at all. Kaidan moved his hips suggestively against his partner's again, trying not to lose the moment.

 

“I thought the point was for me to do as _you_ say...” he said, dropping his voice an octave. “Wasn't I, uh...insubordinate?” He groaned as he rubbed himself against Shepard again. “ _Mmm_...If you don't tell me what do to, I might get ideas of my own – _mmph_!”

 

The commander kissed him fiercely, covering Kaidan's body with his.

 

“First thing, then. That sassy backtalk has got to stop.”

 

They kissed deeply again, then Shepard pulled on the silk tie around Kaidan's wrists. The biotic cautiously stepped forward, not knowing if there were any obstacles in the way. He trusted Shepard not to let him trip on anything. After a few more steps, he felt himself get spun around again.

 

“Obviously you'll have to give me something to do with my mouth, then,” he quipped. Shepard's response was to gently shove his chest, causing him to plop down on their bed abruptly. The mattress dipped on either side of him as John straddled him, grinding his rigid length against his bound hands. Kaidan managed to find his tip through the thin cloth of Shepard's boxer-briefs, circling it with his thumb.

 

“ _Uuuggghn_ , K...I...”

 

John cradled Kaidan's cheeks with his hands, kissing him like Kaidan was the last breath of air he would ever have. He felt a damp spot forming on his underwear and made himself stop moving against his partner's hands. Pulling back from the kiss, he gazed at Kaidan a moment. Lips flushed and plump, color in his cheeks, heaving chest, and a raging erection straining against his black underwear.

 

“Do I have your attention now, Major?”

 

Kaidan hummed as he tipped his head back, asking without words for another kiss. Shepard slid behind him on the bed, pulling him backwards.

 

“Up on your knees...I want you to kneel. Don't use your arms to brace yourself, either.”

 

He helped Kaidan tuck his legs underneath himself, then left him on the bed waiting. Kaidan heard him rummage on their nightstand, then packaging being unwrapped. That piqued his interest.

 

“Can I use my hands on myself, if I can't use them for balance?”

 

A hand cupping his chin and a brief kiss told him Shepard was in front of him again.

 

“You can. But you'll also need to open your mouth. I thought of a way to keep you quiet.”

 

“Really?” he purred, rubbing the knotted tie against himself and cocking his head to the side, ball of the Santa hat swinging.

 

“Really,” Shepard replied, “You can remove it anytime you want to; just let me know when you're done.” One more kiss. “Open...”

 

Kaidan licked his lips, then parted them, waiting.

 

“God, Kaid, you're so sexy when you do that...”

 

The tip of a sweet, minty stick just barely edged past his lips.

 

“Candy cane?”

 

“Mmm. Keeping with the holiday theme,” Shepard hummed, sliding the sticky treat a little further into the wet heat of Kaidan's mouth. The biotic swirled his tongue around it and sucked it, moaning a little. He moved against his hands again, unsure of what his partner was going to do next. He could hear Shepard moving around, then felt the buttons on his own shirt pulling slightly as they popped open. Warm hands slid it off his shoulders and halfway down his arms, leaving his chest exposed.

 

The candy cane was pulled from his mouth with a small 'pop'. He lifted his chin, searching for it, and found it replaced with his partner's mouth instead. Shepard's own hardness rubbed against his hands and he curled his fingers around it, trying to feel as much of it as he could. After a deep kiss and a groan, Shepard pulled away and licked his nipples, causing goosebumps to spread across his skin. The mint felt cool against his skin after the air replaced the wet heat of Shepard's tongue.

 

“Mmm...you taste minty now.”

 

Kaidan hummed at him and continued to stroke himself against his knotted hands, feeling the wet spot spreading on his underwear.

 

“Can't possibly imagine why,” he quipped, tipping his head back, “ _mmmm_...”

 

The mattress dipped again behind him as Shepard slid his arm around his stomach to steady them both. His boxer-briefs were pulled halfway down his thighs and he felt slick fingers glide between his buttocks. He arched himself against the sensation, feeling the silk from the tie slide against his rigid heat and spread the dampness over his tip.

 

“Do you want the candy cane again?” Shepard asked between kisses on his neck and shoulders.

 

“Only if you want my mouth occupied. Whatever you want, John.”

 

Shepard lightly traced his fingertips from Kaidan's stomach to his chest, playing with the soft fuzz on the way up as his other hand still worked at preparing his partner.

 

“I think I'd prefer to hear you when you come.”

 

“ _Uuhhhh_....not going to be a problem... _hah_...”

 

“Excellent...” Shepard growled in his ear, long fingers ghosting up his throat and tipping his head to the side. Kaidan moaned again, pressing himself back against the commander, kisses being laid along his jaw. He was practically throbbing with the need to feel _more_ ; deeper, fuller. Shepard hummed against his neck and slid his fingers between his buttocks again. The biotic felt the loss of the commander's hand acutely.

 

“ _Please_ , John...” he breathed, “I need you...”

 

Feather-light caresses down his throat caused another frisson of excitement in him. He writhed against Shepard, feeling the rigid heat against him. Shepard nibbled on his ear, an amused 'hmm' rumbled in his chest.

 

“Need me how?”

 

He felt something larger than John's finger teasing him and he muttered in frustration, trying to angle himself against it.

 

“You know exactly how...I don't think I can stand it much longer.”

 

John held him steady with a hand against his chest as he guided himself into his partner. Kaidan couldn't help panting as his partner slowly sheathed himself. He wrapped a hand around himself, slicking his own moisture over his tip.

 

“Oh, _god_ , Kaidan...you feel so _good_...”

 

Shepard joined his hand around the biotic's, squeezing gently. Kaidan arched himself against his hips, rolling their hands together.

 

“For fuck's sake, _move_! Need you so bad. _..hhnnngh!!”_

 

“Temper, temper,” Shepard whispered against his ear, gently gripping his jaw and turning his head towards him. “Still have that 'talking back' issue, Major.” He kissed him fiercely, full and deep, swallowing the sounds Kaidan made as he found his _spot_ and worked it mercilessly. Kaidan broke the kiss and shoved himself against his partner, feeling the familiar rush at the tightening sensation in his balls.

 

John felt his partner's toes clench against his calves as he came, essence spilling over their joined hands. He fought not to close his fingers around Kaidan's neck while his own pleasure wracked his body. The biotic's head was a comfortable weight on his shoulder, catching his breath. Shepard tugged the Santa hat off with his teeth and tossed it aside, sitting back on his heels. He pulled Kaidan into his lap. Kaidan let himself be dragged backwards, pressing a soft kiss against the commander's jaw.

 

“Thanks, John....I know you're not crazy about that stuff.”

 

Shepard was quietly trying to spit fuzz out of his mouth.

 

“Merry Christmas, K...damn hat is so hairy, I think I'll be chewing the trim for a week.”

 

His partner laughed and rolled to the side, working at the knotted tie. Shepard sighed as he slipped out; he never liked the loss of contact. He wasn't upset about being able to stretch his legs, though. They were a little stiff. He could only imagine Kaidan's were just as wooden-feeling. He slid a hand on Kaidan's thigh, helping him unfold his legs. Brown eyes fluttered closed as Shepard massaged his thighs, knees, and calves.

 

“Mmm...keep that up and I'll be spoiled even worse than I already am.”

 

“First step to getting better is admitting the problem,” the commander gently teased him. It was followed by more spitting. Kaidan cracked an eye open and pulled a hand free from the loosened tie.

 

“Can't get better if I'm constantly surrounded by an enabler, though. Ass...”

 

“But I'm _your_ ass,”

 

“Somehow that still doesn't bother me all that much.”

 

Shepard leaned over him and softly pressed their lips together.

 

“Funny how that works...if you roll over, I can rub you down some more.”

 

Kaidan squirmed lazily onto his stomach with a chuckle.

 

“....that was like kissing Santa's beard...bleh.”

 

“Listen up; I could have left it on you. In fact –” he smacked Kaidan's butt cheek – “I have a better idea.”

 

“Ow – _hey_!”

 

The Santa hat was delicately placed on his bare ass, propped up so it stood on it's own, the tip flopped over artfully to one side. Shepard got off the bed carefully so he didn't disturb it, backing up to admire his handywork. He closed one eye and stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth, pretending to take a picture.

 

“That is a thing of architectural beauty, Kaid...I think it's going to have to be next year's Christmas card...”

 

“You are _such_ an ass,” the biotic laughed, snatching it off his rear and chucking it at Shepard. The commander smirked as he dodged it.

 

“And you love me for it...stay there, though, I have one more thing I wanted to do.”

 

Kaidan rolled onto his side, propping his head up. Shepard disappeared into their closet once more and appeared with a small, neatly wrapped box. He sat carefully on the edge of the bed and placed it in front of his partner. Kaidan pulled himself back into a sitting position.

 

“What's this?” he asked quietly, peering at Shepard's face. The commander didn't meet his eyes, focusing on the box for a moment.

 

“A little something for putting up with me and my ass-ish ways. Go ahead...open it.”

 

“I really don't deserve you, though...” he murmured as he slid his fingers under the tape and pulled the wrapping paper off. A polished wooden box was underneath.

 

“Nor I you. And yet somehow we put up with each other,” Shepard replied, kissing him on a graying temple. Kaidan leaned against him as he opened the box. His breath caught in his throat.

 

“John...they're beautiful... _thank you_...”

 

He held up a spotless tumbler, the word, ' _Always...'_ etched into it in simple but elegant script. A doe's profile was on the other side. Shepard pulled out the other one carefully and held it next to Kaidan's. The pair glistened in the low light. His read, ' _After All This Time..._ ' and had a stag's head . He glanced shyly at Kaidan and was a little shocked to see his eyes misting up.

 

“Kaidan, I –”

 

“– I can't believe you remembered!” he whispered, carefully tucking them back into the box. He held John's cheeks between his palms and kissed him, gentle, passionate, and fierce all at once. John rubbed the tips of their noses together, smile tugging at his lips.

 

“How could I forget?” he said softly, “You quoted my favorite character and book series at me after telling me you still wanted to be with me. I love you, K. More than I can ever say.”

 

Shepard was crushed in a hug.

 

“I love you, too...” came the hushed response. After a moment, Kaidan pulled back slightly. “I'm afraid mine gift isn't as meaningful...” he said hesitantly. “It's just something small, just–”

 

Kaidan fidgeted a bit with the covers, looking a bit chagrined. The commander rested his forehead on his shoulder, eyelashes brushing against his skin.

 

“You're all the gift I need, Kaidan. You gave me a family and a reason to live. I don't need anything more than that.”

 

He pressed a small kiss to his partner's shoulder and Kaidan smiled.

 

“Hold that thought, John...” the biotic said behind a return kiss to the top of Shepard's head. He slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of pajama pants, padding his way into the lounge outside their bedroom. Shepard peered after him, tucking himself under their sheets to guard against the cool air. After a few moments, Kaidan slunk back into the room, looking a bit sheepish. He was fiddling with a tiny box with a small red bow on it, tag reading, _To: John, Love: 'K'_.

 

“I was hoping you hadn't found it in the bookcase up here...I've had it for a few months,” he mumbled, easing back onto the bed next to Shepard. The commander gave him a patented half-smile when he saw the tag, He knew Kaidan didn't really like being called 'K', but tolerated from his partner.

 

“Well, I did wonder why you were always coming up here to dust so much,” he chuckled as he unwrapped it. A jeweler's box sat in his hand. “Were you just checking to make sure it was still there?”

 

“Can't put anything past you, John.”

 

Shepard elbowed him playfully as he pulled off the top and removed the soft packing.

 

“That's why they pay me the big bucks, Kaidan.... _wow_....”

 

He stared at the contents of the box gleaming against the white background. Kaidan ran a fingertip over the band of the bracelet, caressing the tightly woven braid. Gleaming black and fiery red fibers were woven together and a silver N7 tag glistened against it.

 

“I had it made for you...Silly, really, now that I think about it. But I wanted you to have it.”

 

Shepard held out the box to his partner.

 

“I _love_ it. Put it on for me?”

 

Kaidan's cheeks flushed a bit in embarrassed pleasure. He carefully put it on Shepard's left wrist, attaching the silver clasp and kissing the underside of his wrist on his pulse before letting go.

 

“I figured someone as unique as you deserved something just as one-of-a-kind.”

 

Shepard pulled him into a hug and backwards onto the mattress, burying his nose behind Kaidan's ear.

 

“Thank you...I couldn't have asked for anything better. What's the band made out of? It doesn't feel like any kind of rope or cord I've ever come across before.”

 

The biotic's ears reddened.

 

“It's, uh...” he coughed lightly, “...horse hair. From Wraith and Cinder. Their tails, I mean.” He fiddled with it on Shepard's wrist, rotating it so the N7 tag gleamed at them in the low light. Shepard pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “I had Ma send it a while back. Took it to an asari jeweler and described what I was looking to have done and she came back with this. I think it turned out pretty well.”

 

“Remind me to thank Mina for being an dirty enabler to you for making me feel sappy. Ass...” Shepard murmured against his partner's hair before kissing him again.

 

“Oh no, you're feeling _feelings_...” Kaidan teased, sliding a hand up Shepard's stomach and playing with the soft hair around his belly button. “Whatever will you do, John?”

 

“Tell you that I love you once more and then whine at you to get me some pjs.” Kaidan swatted his chest and groaned a bit as he sat up.

 

“You're lucky I _do_ love you so much, otherwise I'd tell you 'I know' and 'get your own damn pajamas',” he groused as he retrieved a pair of pj pants. “As it happens, I love you too. Next time, get 'em yourself.” He punctuated it by tossing them gently at Shepard's face. “It's a good look for you, John. You should wear them like that more often.”

 

“I reiterate,” came the muffled response, “ _Ass_.”

 

He wrestled his way out of the tangle of cloth to find Kaidan's face right next to his. He blinked as a kiss on the nose followed.

 

“But I'm _your_ ass, John...”

 

“Always.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO GET THIS UP AND OUT!! IT'S MY FAULT IT TOOK SO LONG!!! ~potions


End file.
